The Wacky Adventures of The New Trio
by jaded316
Summary: Set during season 7. Buffy/WWE crossover! Chocolate covered Spike, too! Absolutely wierd,just like me!But wierd in a good way!R/R please.It's been revised and improved!!
1. Default Chapter Interlude

Title: The Wacky Adventures of The New Trio Disclaimer: Don't own them but as always I really wished I owned Spike and Xander. They're nummier than chocolate. Spoilers: Not really. Feedback: Yes please. Summary: A new Trio has risen and with it, all sort of weird and funny adventures. Oh yeah, Spike's souled but no longer under Buffy's evil spell. So he's still our loveable Big Bad Spike.  
  
The Wacky Adventures of The New Trio  
*Featuring A/C (Andrew Cam!)  
  
A/C:  
  
It's a warm and peaceful night here in good old Sunnydale. A true rarity seeing as the end of the month is hardly a month away. While outside the Summers' house may seem silent and serene, inside the world's final defense against the forces of evil work diligently to prepare for The First, the embodiment of all the world's evil.  
But our story tonight takes place a few blocks away from the Slayerettes "headquarters", where three young men - well, two young men and a one hundred and thirty year old vampire - will embark on an adventure of their own. Truly go where only those of strong mind and able heart dare take on its imposing presence, with its maze like structure and sinful temptations at every turn.  
"Okay here's the plan," strategize Xander, dressed in his "covert operation best" with a pair of black slacks and a black sweater with black boots. "We each get a third of what we need. We meet back in the front in a half an hour. No side tracks and if anyone gets in your way run them over." "Hold up wanker what makes you the leader of this operation? Besides there's no way I'm going into that second home for florescent lights. All that damn humming really gets to me after a while. I still have some pride as a vampire you know. Even if I'm sss.sssoo. souled." Gagged out Spike, comically scrunching up his face while dressed in his trademark black t-shirt and button-up red shirt. Topped off with his tight black jeans and black boots. His ever-present duster slung over his seat as we drive to our destination. "I'll be in the car sending prank emails to the Whelp in L.A. and his broody spawn, Whelp Jr." He then pulls out his new cell phone complete with digital camera and text messaging. " You know it wasn't my first choice for you to accompany me on this assignment. And it definitely wasn't my decision to have " Malibu's Most Geek" tag along for the ride, but everyone in the gang has to take turns going. No matter how tedious it may seem."  
*Camera turned to Andrew:  
  
"Tonight we prepare ourselves for one of the most agitating and aggravating experiences any member of the Scooby Gang will have to endure:  
  
GROCERY SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!  
A/N: I know. Not very funny but give me time. I need to make the setting. Please still review. Next chapter is funnier but is still trying to set up the story. 


	2. The Adventure Begins

*A/C (Andrew Cam):  
"Noooooooooooooo." Howled the very reluctant 130-year old Master vampire as Xander tries to pry Spike's fingers off the car door handle. " Listen Spike, I know that the grocery store can be a very scary place at times," Xander reasons as he yanks at Spike's duster, which is now draped along his strong and lithe body. "Bollocks." Yelled Spike as he let go of the handle and turned around to grab Xander by the neck. " Don't you understand that if I walk into that Supermarket for Happy Meals that I'd be cutting off all remaining links to my former Big Bad self?! I'd rather go lose my mind again and shag the slayer." He released Xander as they both started to make gagging noises at the thought. "See you guys, you two finally agreed on something." I chirp in receiving matching death glares from my newest "allies against the forces of evil." " Look, why don't we just go in there and get it over with? I mean we can't go back to that house without any food." Said Xander. "That's true. Hell, if the Slayer didn't get us Red would go all Bitch Witch on us. Not that I would really mind seeing as I missed the show. Just great timing on my part to decide to go get a soul." Sighed the bleach blond vampire sarcastically as he dramatically dropped his arms at his sides. " Shut up Deadboy Jr. Let's just go get what we need and get out."  
*Camera turns to Andrew:  
  
"As we make our way into the large supermarket, I can help but feel a certain charge of coolness stand with Xander and Spike by my side. The chemistry between the three of us is undeniable and I can't help but believe that the three us will be friends for a long time. Whether we are armed with swords or with these nifty steel carts that we all are manning at the moment, we continue to fight the good fight! Side by side for ever and ever "*ahem*"  
*Camera turns back to Spike and Xander both now sporting matching raised eyebrows:  
"Oh sorry." Replies a slightly sheepish Andrew. "Right. Anyyywaaayyy," said Spike. " Just give me my part of the list so that I can get away from you sissies as fast as possible." Sighed an exasperated Spike. " Riiiiight." Replied Xander still creeped out by Andrew's questionable behavior. " Uhhh, here. Make sure to follow this list exactly or else we're just end up staying here longer." Xander warns while giving Spike the list. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Replied the anxious vamp while already flying down the nearest aisle. "Don't worry Xander." I soothingly reply to Xander's worried expression. "You can count on me to follow this list." He says with determination in his voice as he takes his list from Xander's hand. "Let's see.looks like I have produce duty. Don't worry Xan-man your cucumbers are safe in my hands." Andrew tells Xander who now has a horrified expression on his face. Andrew then runs off in the opposite direction of the produce aisle. " Oh God." Sighs a highly stressed Xander. "We are NEVER going to get out of this store."  
IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE WACKY ADVENTURES OF THE NEW TRIO:  
Xander revisits his love of Hostess and Little Debbie products.  
  
Andrew becomes too intent on his list as his mind wanders while searching for just the right cucumber to please his fellow teammates.  
  
Spike discovers the wonders of something even more sinful than himself.Chocolate.  
Ummmm.nummy *****Plus guest appearance by Stone Cold Steve Austin. *****  
A/N: I know it's not very funny so far but I just needed an intro. The wackiness is just about to ensue.  
R/R Please!!!! 


	3. ChocoSpike and Cans of Whoopass

Disclaimer: Don't own Any characters from WWE or Buffy. I don't own any of the chocolate companies either but I wish I did. ChocoSpike should be mine, too but the World is too cruel to give it to me. Don't own "Sleeping Awake", "Bodies", or "Kung Fu Fight." But they are still good songs. I'm very willing to but the "Tigger" song though.

**Now Switching to Au/C (Author Cam!):**

Hi! My name is Jaded and I've decide to follow our characters around with my trusty camcorder! This way we will be able to see what kind of troubles my boys get into!

**Andrew (with his ever-present camcorder): ** Okay, here we are in the produce aisle of our local supermarket. Let's see what I need...Hmmm, a head of lettuce (throws it into the cart). Check. celery, artichokes and cucumbers. Wait a min. How do I know if a cucumber is any good?! Oh God, I can't let Xander down! What if he kicks me out of the group?! Okay Andy, relax and stay cool. You can't go wrong with firmness. Crap what if it's too firm? Does that mean it's not ripe? Do cucumbers get ripe? (Starts panicking again and gets curios glances from the other customers) What are you looking at!?

OOOOOkkkaaayyyy....let's go see how Xander's doing.....

We find the Xan-man going down the soda aisle when the unthinkable happens:

**Xander:** Holy mother of Ho Ho's!

Where the soda aisle ends, the junk food section begins. Showcasing a never-ending supply of Ring-Dings and Twinkies!

**Xander:** It's worst than the Wonder Bake Shop!

At this point, a little devil version of me pops up on his left shoulder.

**Evil Jaded: ** Do it man! My fic needs more humor and you having a spaz attack would be hella-funny!

Then a regular, little me appears on his right shoulder.

**Reg. Mini-me: ** Yeah! Do it man. You know you wanna.

At this point both little me's are being drenched with sweat by our reluctant hero.

**Xander: ** God I can't take this anymore!

(Runs to the endless assortment of Hostess products and fills his mouth with cupcakes!)

**Xander:** Ahhhh (drool flows out of his mouth past the chewed up cupcakes.) Sweet ambrosia. 

o_o...I think we're done here...Now let's go check in on your favorite character and mine, Spike!!!

We find our sexy, ensouled vampire in the cereal aisle where he is munching on Golden Grahams (A/N: my favorite cereal) and piling various cereal boxes into the cart. He's listening to his CD player while singing along.

**Spike:** Do you see what I see? Can you hear what I hear? Do you feel like I feel? (A/N: P.O.D. Sleeping Awake on the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack)

Spike starts to sway his hips to the music. Holy crap! I didn't expect to see him...Gyrating his hips! Must...Go...To...Him!!!! I jump up in front of him and start moving my hips simultaneously with his while singing along!

**Me w/ Spike:** Do you see what I see? Can you hear what I hear? Do you feel what I feel? Can't stop sleeping awake.

Spike removes his headphones and starts to look at me curiously.

**Spike:** Hello chit. Can I ask why you started to "boogie" with me.

**Me (with a huge *slightly insane* smile on my face): ** Hi! I'm Jaded and I love that song and I love you so I thought why not kill two birds with one stone?

Spike looks at me with his patented smirk and raised eyebrow.

**Spike**: Not one for tact are you, little one? (Starts walking down the aisle and I follow.) Look, I'm flattered and all but your a little young for me. If your looking for a sing-along why don't you try Barney?

**Me:** Muwhahaha (My evil cackle) 

At this point both of Spike's eyebrows shoot up and he starts to wonder WHAT exactly I maybe be.

**Me**: Don't worry Spikey, I'm all human, just a little bit...energetic. My dear Spike, you've been alive so long but you let you let yourself miss out on so much.

I grabbed his hand and led him down the never-ending aisle as he gawks at me in bewilderment, wondering how I knew he was of the vampire persuasion.

We stop in front of guess where? THE CANDY SECTION!!! In front of us are endless supplies of Hershey's, Godiva, Mr. Good bars, Chunky's, and Kisses...hmmm...

**Me:** Hey Spikeeee (I sing in a sing-song voice.) Wanna kiss?

As he open and closes his mouth, completely dumbfounded, I pop a kiss into his mouth. If it's even possible his eyes bug out even more.

**Spike**: Mmmmm ( he closes his eyes in pure ecstasy.) Mmmm...

Now it's my turn to go bug-eyed.

**Me:** Ahhh (drool pools out over the Mr. Good Bar in my mouth.)

**Spike:** I...need...More!

Spike begins to tear open packages of Reese's' and M&M's with human teeth, gulping down the contents.

**Me:** Seeeee. "Sissy Human Food" isn't crappy. Some of it can be quite....( the smirk on my mouth can't be described in any way besides devilish.) Sinful...

He chuckles but doesn't' stop filling his mouth with the rich, dark substance. We continue eating in companionable silence -well except for the chomping. The yummy chocolate melts all over us and I witness the most sinful thing in the world...

Chocolate...Covered...Spike...

Ahhhhhh ( more drool.)

**Spike:** Whatcha eating, little one?

**Me:** This ( I hold up the bag with a cheery smile) is the second most appealing thing covered in chocolate. Second to only you, of course.

Spike rolls his eyes.

**Me: ** Chocolate covered coffee beans!

If you would've blinked your eyes you would've missed it. In the blink of an eye, he grabbed the coffee beans and put the contents of the in his mouth.

**Me:** Oh crap! He's gonna freak out... This should get good...

As the caffeine began to take over the bleach blonde bombshell, and his head bounced to music only he could hear ( and he wasn't listening to the CD player o_o) I saw a familiar looking head eating cereal. No, it couldn't be... 

**Familiar looking guy**: ( Taking to some other guy) What you looking at, Sucka?!

But it was! It was Booker T, the five time, five time, five time, Heavyweight champion and current WWE superstar!!! Knowing what was happening, I left Sugar-High Spike to go to the manager's office to find him knocked out. I looked over to where the intercom was and I saw who else but Stone Cold! What? The Rattlesnake! What? Stone Cold Steve Austin!!!! What?

Anyway...Just like any self-respecting fangirl (like my oxymoron.) I jump on stone Cold and give him a big hug.

**Me:** Hi! I'm Jaded. Can I help you get Booker T?

**Stone Cold: ** What in the Hell...

**Me**: What? Hey watch it! I love ya but this is a PG-13 fic!

**Stone Cold: ** Alright look, I'll let you help me shorty, nut you hafta do me one favor.

**Me**: What? *smirk*

Stone Cold rolls his eyes at my " What."

**Stone Cold**: Try writing some wrestling fic with me in it, aight?

**Me: ** Sure. (*hint**hint*, may try writing a wrestling fic.)

**Stone Cold: ** Alright, now go on the intercom while I go sneak up on Booker.

**Me**: Alright.

When I see Austin right behind Book on the security camera, I proceed with trying to make Booker squirm.

**Me (on the intercom): ** Attention shoppers, please try our 8-inch poon-tang pie for $1.99. Especially made by Stephanie McMahon Helmsley and it's a known fact that it doesn't come any cheaper than that. And for one special customer in aisle 3-16 we have a special on a can of whoop-a$$ absolutely free!!! (The cereal aisle just happened to be row 3-16)

Booker T looked around nervously until the opening of a beer can stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned around slowly and then Austin proceeded to pummel the 5 time champion.

**Stone Cold:** Hello Booker. I'm here to take you on a shopping spree.

Austin then threw Booker into a nearby stand of veggies where our friend Andrew is still having problems.

**Andrew (clearly on the verge of a breakdown): ** And potatoes!!! What kind of potatoes!!! There's Atlantic, Idaho, Red Lasoda, Norvalley and Chieftain! I can't do this! (Bursts into tears.) Now Spike and Xander will never love me. Ahhhhh!

Andy is able to run away before Austin throws Booker into the potatoes.

**Austin:** Hey Book, (grabs a bottle of Grey poupon and pours it all over Booker's head.) Do you have any Grey poupon?

Still in the manager's office I changed the music to "Kung Fu Fighting."

Austin then tosses Book into Andrew's abandoned cart and rolls him down the aisle, beating him with random groceries. While "shopping", Austin and Booker passed our snack cake addicted friend, Xander!

**Xander (looking bloated and tired on the floor with a Twinkie sticking out of his mouth): ** Ahhhh sweet, sweet snack cakes. You're yummy deliciousness will be my downfall.

Austin poured soda on top of Booker's head. Then stopped for a Budweiser break. He then flew passed Xander and threw Booker into the stock area of the store. I changed the music to the K- Rock station, which was playing "Bodies" by Drowning Pool, and then ran out of the office to tape this. If this wasn't a "Kodak Moment" I don't know what is.

**Austin:** Hey Book, do you want some crackers? )Takes a huge box of crackers and heads toward Booker.) I hope you appreciate these Book, these are hard to come by.

Unfortunately, Book is able to get the upper hand by super kicking Austin, then locking him in the freezer. But as Booker leaves, Austin comes out of the front of the freezer and hands a nearby teen some ice cream. Austin then grabs a bottle of milk and takes a swig.

**Austin: ** Thanks, Booker. Got milk?

Austin then takes the bottle and hits him over the head with it, milk covering Booker. Austin throws Booker into a nearby cart and continues to go grocery shopping with Booker "Stone Cold" style.

Austin grabs a pizza and starts to sing to Booker.

**Austin:** Hey Book, (uses a pepperoni as a microphone) When the moon's in the sky and the light hits your eye that's amore.

Austin then hits Booker over the head with the frozen pizza. As Austin packs a case of Budweiser into the cart, a hyper Spike comes running down the aisle, shirtless, with chocolate all over his chest.

**Spike:** The Wonderful thing about Spikey, Is that Spikey a wonderful thing. Our tops are made outta rubber, our bottoms are made outta spring. We're bouncy bouncy, trouncy trouncy, frouncy frouncy fun! But the most wonderful thing about Spikey is that I'm the only one, is that I'm the only one!

(A/N: It is the humble opinion of this author that you could bounce a quarter on Spike's bottom!)

**Me (now in the same aisle with camcorder in hand):** o_0 Okayyyyy. I think I need to get you guys home.

So I round up The Trio and do their shopping for them. And just as we finish paying for everything, Austin comes up behind us and " checks out " Booker T. Then we hear police sirens..

**Austin:** Nice meeting you, Jaded.

**Me:** What? *smirk* The pleasure was all mine. Would you mind if my fanfic had a pairing of me with a certain bald wrestler?

Austin rolls his eyes and smirks. As the Rattlesnake leaves he says one unforgettable line:

**Austin: ** Price check on a Jacka$$!!!

I walk the guys to the car and pack the groceries in the trunk.

**Me**: Well guys this has been a blast. But there's one last thing I have to do as author... 

I throw the keys to Spike.

**Me (with another devilish smirk): ** Spike. Drive

The car pulls out of the driveway and speeds off like a bat outta Hell. The shrill cries of Andrew and horrified moans of Xander are loud enough to wake the dead...

**Me**: Muwhahahahahahaha

R/R Please: If by some miracle your still reading.

Maybe I'll put the boys on some other weird adventure.


End file.
